Well Fuck Me Running... Really...

I had an epiphany. As I was treating myself to an awesome orgasm this evening, something occurred to me. I love myself. hehe I know what you're thinking, yes, literally... but also emotionally, figuratively, spiritually. I think I'm awesome. I'm not sure anyone loves me like I do.

So what the hell have I been doing all this time? I love other people too. I deeply care for family and friends. But I think I spend so much time loving them, I've forgotten how much I love me. And all this time I'm loving them, thinking of them, I'm wasting my time because not only can they not reciprocate at the moment for whatever reason, I'm double fucking myself over since I'm ignoring myself to pay attention to them. Add kids who are very deserving of my adoration and attention, it leaves very little left for me.

So that's it. I'm going to love me. I need to recommit. Maybe outside of my kids I just don't have enough time for anyone else.

I will take what I need.

Sex is not a problem, believe me. I'd never get any sleep if I didn't say no or hide fairly often... more than not. And that's just from my husband. If I was the type to allow it, there are always several who'd be more than happy to hit it, and that's even with me fat.

But HOW am I loved? How am I made love to? Sometimes it is what I deserve... very good, passionate hours of amazing sex. I still rarely get the feeling I'm as cherished as I really do cherish myself when given the moment to think about it.

Being that it's no one's job but mine to make me happy, I'm going to do just that. Anything I don't get from others in my life I will get for myself. End of story.

So does anything change now since my orgasmic enlightenment?

Not where ana is concerned. I love me skinny. I am pretty. Blond hair, green eyes, full lips. I am tall. Make me skinny and I'm quite the goddess. And if I scare people when I wear heels, putting me up around 6'1", fuck em. ;) My goal is a perfect 10.

And if anyone happens to be intercepting this blog and its not as anonymous as I hope... I understood this was a possibility the moment I began it. So if you, the Unwanted, are reading this... Hi. :) Know I don't give a shit. You can watch the transformation from your sneaky-ass screen. I'll tell you what, if I ever find out... you'll know. I'll give you a nice sharp slap on the ass.

Back on topic, it changes a few things.

1. I don't care if I have sex with my husband 5x a week, I will "love" myself more often too. (For the record, I am multi-orgasmic with my husband too. None of this is about anything lacking more than a je ne sais quoi I seem to only be getting from myself.)

2. I'm recommitting to RAW. My body needs to be my temple again. I need 70% or more raw, organic, REAL fucking food. Weightloss is effortless and feels great that way. I've done it before, I just didn't finish. This time I'm taking it all the way.

3. Nothing touches my skin that doesn't feel good. I'm throwing out all my uncomfy clothes. Anything I have better look amazing, or feel like heaven or its headed for the Salvation Army.

That's about it. I've been low cal. I'll stay that way. I've been working out, which I'll also keep up.

Fine tuning my metamorphosis... I'm becoming anxious to see the final product. I think it's going to be amazing. I am having a hard time wiping the smile off my face... or maybe its just afterglow. ;)