I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much. I mean to, and I want to, but there is so much going on. I guess I'm spinning around in the whitewash.
The husband came home all apologies and full of compliments and kindness. I guess he had time to think about our recent problems. We're in a really weird place I don't understand. I don't think he does either, but we're doing our best. It just goes to show you though... relationships will always have their ups and downs and ups and downs like swells on the sea. Some days there will be high highs, others there will be low lows and you'll think you may drown, and then for a time there is smooth sailing on warm gentle waters where you may forget what a dangerous place love can be. Its all part of it.
Love is a bit like Ana. If you quit on it too soon, you may cheat yourself out of something wonderful. But if things get bad and hurtful and you let it go too far, it might kill you. There is a very fine line there somewhere. It is the razor's edge. A place where only the truly brave or truly stupid dare to tread. I think I'm probably a little of both... brave and stupid.
I have a hard time reconciling love and ana. I find my self in the arms of one or the other, but never both. I have to rewire my brain for a threesome. That love is my pro-ana and if I don't stay vigilant my love will suffer. I need to not relapse into my comfort zone with Ed(nos), and try to stay closer to Ana. This is a problem I've had my whole life.
-Ana----Misery---------0---------Happiness----MyEDnos+
That's my scale. I need it to switch around a bit.
-Misery----Ana---------0---------Ana----Happiness----Health+
170 lbs this morning. Aunt Flo is about gone. My new scale is soon to arrive. Much more reliable than my current one. I hope to weigh myself on it first thing tomorrow morning. I never weigh myself during the day unless I'm fasting. I can't stand to see the numbers climb as I eat during the day.
Maybe I should start. Might help remind me to eat less....
Love to you all...
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