Thriving Pro-Ana, Not Just Surviving

An Explanation

I know I'm new to the wired Ana scene, but I'm not new to skinny, and I'm not new to diets. I'm a walking encyclopedia of diet, health, calorie, nutrition, and food information.

I know that we don't care as much about our health as we do about getting and staying thin. I'm right there with you. If I have to hurt myself now in order to reach happiness later, I'll do it. But after reading so many of your blogs, I realize I have something in my arsenal that most of you don't. A clean diet. I was losing weight on it by accident (sort of) already, just not fast enough for my liking.

What you MUST know to THRIVE not just survive Ana:

WHAT YOU EAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HOW MUCH YOU EAT.

Yes, it is about calories, calories, calories... but what comes in with them? Chemicals? Saturated Fats? (/puke) Or do they come with vitamins? Youth enhancing enzymes? Beautifying anti-oxidants?

Do you want to get skinny just to be ugly another way? Make-up ain't gonna hide how strung out and shitty you look. And yes, if you don't figure this out, you will always be ugly... skinny or not.

So I'm going to start posting about Ana Optimal. Maximizing your health while minimizing your size.

You all give me so much thinspo. This is the least I can do in return.

<3

Very Mary-Kate

lmao! Watch it now. You'll love it!
http://vimeo.com/8660241

Fab Fasting Fact Resurrection

From the late AnaBones blog via the former Wannabe-Jolie blog .

INFO ON A 10 DAY WATER FAST: How much weight will I lose? Weight loss can initially be as high as three to four pounds per day, much of it water, but as the fast continues, the average loss will be one pound per day. If you are juice fasting and not losing weight, the juice is supplying all the calories you need. You may have to cut down on the juices or alternate between water fasting and juice fasting if losing weight is part of your goal. The slower your metabolism, the slower the weight loss. Will I get too thin? If you are thin or at average weight and you fast for 30 days on juice or 10 days on water, ribs will show, face will become gaunt, friends and family will notice. It is imperative not to eat a lot after the fast because the body will quickly re-gain the lost weight during the next 10 days. Instead, ease yourself onto food by gradually incorporating fruit and veg in your diet. Metabolism is normalized due to the cleansing process. It is very important not to try to gain weight too quickly. The body can rebuild only at a set rate. Overeating will burden the body and undermine the rebuilding process. Will fasting shrink my stomach? From years of over-filling the stomach, it is no surprise that the muscles supporting the tummy have lost its natural elasticity, stretched out of shape. People with large protruding stomachs need more food to feel full, out-eating their need. Fasting helps recover the stomach's natural elasticity, restoring a flat stomach. You will be satisfied on less food, tummy in proportionate size to the body’s caloric requirement.

Absence of Food and State Fasting refers to the complete absence of Food, only Water. Short-Term Fasting In general, fasts should be conducted for no longer than 28 days, with most fasts 21 days or less. Long fats (for more than 42 days), are both unnecessary, and potentially dangeroud. A prolonged fast, for more than 2-3 months, is called Starvation! Although most of the 'miraculous' benefits of fasting do result from 3-5 days or more but 7-14 days, that's "healing". Although days 1-7 are quite benefitial to be sure, days 7-14 are truly tremendous, with the benefits from days 14-21 becoming extreme. Days 21-28 are nothing than a complete regeneration of the body. Literally erasing years of aging. (Where the true "Miracles of fasting" take place). Medium-Term Fasting Medium fasts (Between 28-42 days), although certainly possible, and frequently performed by dedicated fasters. The benefits of a 35 day fast are absolutely astonishing! Fasting and Ketone Bodies After the third day of a fast, the body begins to make ketone bodies in the liver (Enters ketosis). In the absence of food (Energy), Ketone bodies are produced by the body as an alternate energy source. Normally, ketone levels in the blood are less than 0.2mm. After several days of fasting they approach 3.0mm, and steadily rise thereafter. Importantly, never eat, even an extremely amount of food during a fast. This will quickly shift the body out of ketosis, back to its normal metabolism of glucose (food), decreasing ketone bodies, decreasing growth hormone and increasing hunger. Fasting and Hunger Levels The only challenge to fasting, and a challenge for many it is, is completing the first 1-5 days. During days 1-5 hunger levels can flucuate from average, to well above average many actually experience their greatest hunger on day 3 (Just prior to ketosis, when both blood sugar, and ketone body levels, are lowest). After day 3, hunger levels noticeably decrease. After day 5, hunger levels, and the "desire" for food in general (So strong initially), dramatically decrease. After day 10, hunger levels, for the most part, are non-existent. Fasting and Energy Levels During days 1-5, energy levels can flucuate from average to well below average (Feeling light headed, at times, is not uncommon). During days 5-10, energy levels very noticeably improve after day 10, with sharply elevated levels of both growth hormone, and ketone bodies, energy levels are tremendous, as is mental clarity. Fasting and Weight Loss Expect (in general) to lose 1 pound each day of fasting! Fasting and Starvation Contrary to what many people believe, fasting is not starvation. During the fast, the body is breaking down the non-essential tissue (Fat) for energy. While conserving essential tissue. Starvation, is the point where the body has used up all of its non-essential tissues (Reserves) ,and begins to break down its own essential tissues. This point (The point of starvation), even for the average individual (Of normal weight), takes quite some time to reach (Some 42 days or more). Fasting and severely restrictive diets Prolonged, severely restrictive diets are extremely unhealthy, in many cases, even life threatening. Unlike fasting, the body never completely enters ketosis (A fundamental process in sparing essential tissue from breaking down). The result, severely restrictive diets cause the body to lose a much greater percentage of lean body tissue (Essential tissue) than a complete fast. Over time (Once body reserves become dangerously low), lean body tissue (Essential tissue) eventually become used as an energy source. Prolonged, severely restrictive diets, are essentially just a slow form of starvation. Fasting and Calorie Restriction Calorie restricted (10-30%) diets are extremely healthy. Unlike severly restricted diets, the bodies energy (Food) needs are restricted just enough to result in sharply elevated levels of growth hormone, while eliminating the need to break down essential tissues. Recommended Fasting Schedule Definitely include short-term fasting (1-28 days) into your schedule. Your body will begin to literally "grow younger" before your eyes, especially, after day 10. Discipline and Determination Suppressing hunger (During days 1-5), one of life's greatest drives, is not easy for most! Eliminating food (During the fasting period), one of life's greatest pleasures, is not easy for most! However, those that have the discipline, and determination, wil have tremendous to extreme healthy benefits awaiting them! No Pain No Gain With the exceptions of days 1-5, particulary day 3, fasting is not nearly as difficult as one might imagine (In fact, after day 10, quite pleasurable). Remember too, exercise (Discussed next), also associated with some degree of self sacrifice to promote health, pales in comparison to fasting in terms of health benefits. In fact, one could perform 1-3 annual (14-28) fasts, or calorie restrict (10-30%), never exercise again, and achieve a state of health that no form or amount of exercise could ever accomplish. The good and bad on fasting: it focuses the body on burning up and clearing toxins. Its great for loosing weight!!! Breaks down cancer cells and other illnesses Also breaks down....built up chemicals, BODY FAT, and transformed fatty acids. you have to drink 8-10 glasses og water a day you have to stay exercise as your body gets weak You will suffer from dizziness, especially when getting up from sitting or laying down, May cause black outs if you go for a long fast Juice fast can cause extreme bowl movement. Take a multi-vitimin as the body may lack in this area. ***WATER FASTING*** This will mainly benefit people with a low metabloism, as it gathers lots of energy and then will find it easier compared to lower metabloism who will lose energy and probaly feel drowned out. Water dieting is one long detoxication, the long detox. Water fasting demands mental preperation, clear your calendar for the amount of days your planning to fast for. Water fasting is proven to be more difficult then juice fasting as the body is getting no calories or nutrients. ***JUICE FASTING*** There are alot of nutrients in fresh juice that energizes the body's natural regenerative abilities. This system of removing wasteand supply a full spectrum of nutrients has an advantage of over weight loss program Drinking less juice supples fewer calories therefore increasing detoxication. Juice diet drinks include: fresh juice, herbal tea, vegetable broth, and Barley green/water. ~~FASTING~~ Water. We absolutely must drink water to survive, and it has zero calories, so there's no excuse to not drink it. As we typically get much of our water content from foods, when we reduce food intake we begin to dehydrate ourselves, which is dangerous. Also, cold water chills the body and may raise metabolism to get warm again. Vitamins and minerals. We must have these, too, to survive and so againg there's no reason not to take atleast a daily multivitamin (which may help reduce some cravings aswell). Vitamins are vital in keeping our bodies functioning and our skin, hair, teeth nice. Particularly be aware of electrolytes(potassium, magnesium, salt, along w/ water balance) and calcium. Protein. Protein is necessary, particularly if youre exercising. It maintains and repairs our muscles, including heart muscle, which is (last i heard) kind of a requisite for continued survival. Caffeine. While caffeine can be an appetite supressant and can increase your metabolism, it will also act as a diuretic. Drink a glass of water for each cup of tea, coffee, or diet soda you have. Again, dehydration is a potentially serious problem. Get plenty of sleep. Steal naps whenever you can and rest when you need to rest. Sleep deprivation increases appetit and makes you age faster.

And more from the year 2006 via Pro Ana, Pro Ed:

---

Absence of Food and State

Fasting refers to the complete absence of food, only water.

Short-Term Fasting

In general, fasts should be conducted for no longer than 28 days, with most fasts 21 days or less. Long fasts (for more than 42 days), are both unnecessary, and potentially dangerous. A prolonged fast, for more than 2-3 months, is called Starvation! Although most of the 'miraculous' benefits of fasting do result from 3-5 days or more but 7-14 days, that's "healing". Although days 1-7 are quite beneficial to be sure, days 7-14 are truly tremendous, with the benefits from days 14-21 becoming extreme. Days 21-28 are nothing than a complete regeneration of the body. Literally erasing years of aging. (Where the true "Miracles of fasting" take place).

Medium-Term Fasting

Medium fasts (Between 28-42 days), although certainly possible, and frequently performed by dedicated fasters. The benefits of a 35 day fast are absolutely astonishing!

Fasting and Ketone Bodies

After the third day of a fast, the body begins to make ketone bodies in the liver (Enters ketosis). In the absence of food (Energy), Ketone bodies are produced by the body as an alternate energy source. Normally, ketone levels in the blood are less than 0.2mm. After several days of fasting they approach 3.0mm, and steadily rise thereafter. Importantly, never eat, even an extremely amount of food during a fast. This will quickly shift the body out of ketosis, back to its normal metabolism of glucose (food), decreasing ketone bodies, decreasing growth hormone and increasing hunger.

Fasting and Hunger Levels

The only challenge to fasting, and a challenge for many it is, is completing the first 1-5 days. During days 1-5 hunger levels can fluctuate from average, to well above average many actually experience their greatest hunger on day 3 (Just prior to ketosis, when both blood sugar, and ketone body levels, are lowest). After day 3, hunger levels noticeably decrease. After day 5, hunger levels, and the "desire" for food in general (So strong initially), dramatically decrease. After day 10, hunger levels, for the most part, are non-existent.

Fasting and Energy Levels

During days 1-5, energy levels can fluctuate from average to well below average (Feeling light headed, at times, is not uncommon). During days 5-10, energy levels very noticeably improve after day 10, with sharply elevated levels of both growth hormone, and ketone bodies, energy levels are tremendous, as is mental clarity.

Fasting and Weight Loss

Expect (in general) to lose 1 pound each day of fasting!

Fasting and Starvation

Contrary to what many people believe, fasting is not starvation. During the fast, the body is breaking down the non-essential tissue (Fat) for energy. While conserving essential tissue. Starvation, is the point where the body has used up all of its non-essential tissues (Reserves) ,and begins to break down its own essential tissues. This point (The point of starvation), even for the average individual (Of normal weight), takes quite some time to reach (Some 42 days or more).

Fasting and Severely Restrictive Diets

Prolonged, severely restrictive diets are extremely unhealthy, in many cases, even life threatening. Unlike fasting, the body never completely enters ketosis (A fundamental process in sparing essential tissue from breaking down). The result, severely restrictive diets cause the body to lose a much greater percentage of lean body tissue (Essential tissue) than a complete fast. Over time (Once body reserves become dangerously low), lean body tissue (Essential tissue) eventually become used as an energy source. Prolonged, severely restrictive diets, are essentially just a slow form of starvation.

Fasting and Calorie Restriction

Calorie restricted (10-30%) diets are extremely healthy. Unlike severely restricted diets, the bodies energy (Food) needs are restricted just enough to result in sharply elevated levels of growth hormone, while eliminating the need to break down essential tissues.

Recommended Fasting Schedule

Definitely include short-term fasting (1-28 days) into your schedule. Your body will begin to literally "grow younger" before your eyes, especially, after day 10.

Discipline and Determination

Suppressing hunger (During days 1-5), one of life's greatest drives, is not easy for most! Eliminating food (During the fasting period), one of life's greatest pleasures, is not easy for most! However, those that have the discipline, and determination, will have tremendous to extreme healthy benefits awaiting them!

No Pain No Gain

With the exceptions of days 1-5, particularly day 3, fasting is not nearly as difficult as one might imagine (In fact, after day 10, quite pleasurable). Remember too, exercise (Discussed next), also associated with some degree of self sacrifice to promote health, pales in comparison to fasting in terms of health benefits. In fact, one could perform 1-3 annual (14-28) fasts, or calorie restrict (10-30%), never exercise again, and achieve a state of health that no form or amount of exercise could ever accomplish.

Kinds of Fasts

The Regular Fast:
No food, but sufficient water to quench the thirst to dilute the pathogenic materials and thereby facilitate elimination through the skin and kidneys.
The Dry Fast:
This means total abstinence from food and drink. It is a powerful method for promoting elimination of morbid matter and disease taints.
The Seven Day Fast:
Cannot produce any harmful or weakening results.
The Long Fast:
Extends from one to seven or more weeks, according to individual indications and the vitality of the patient.

Fasting Facts:

-Water fasting cleanses the body, as the stored food (fat) is used rapidly and the body simultaneously expels built up toxins.
-If you are fasting for weight loss (um, yeah!!) and are following a juice or tea fast, a few days on just water will intensify the fast.
-Fasting can clear the skin and whiten the eyes and initiates rapid weight loss (yay!).
-Water fasting is not recommend for a first fast as toxins are released into the blood very quickly.
-Fasting makes it easy to overcome bad habits and addictions.
-Fasting allows you to have taste appreciation for clean, natural foods.
-Going on a fast can give you the motivation and the enthusiasm you need to make a fresh start! (And we all need a fresh start from time to time.)


Fasting Info:

-Distilled water is best for water fasting.
-Juice made w/fresh, organic fruits is best for juice fasting.
-Do not drink orange or tomato juice on a fast.
-You can dilute your pure juices w/water.
-Green juices made from leafy green veggies in a juicer are great for detoxifying.
-Pure veggie broths are good (with no seasons added).
-Herbal teas and honey can aid in fasting.
-Typical fasts (going totally w/out any solid foods) usually are performed as 3 day, 7 day, 10 day, 14 day or 21 day increments. 28+ days should be supervised. (Or at least the person fasting should let someone know they are doing it.)
-Break a fast by eating raw fruits and veggies the first five-seven days after your fast. Go back to solids slowly.
-Do not binge or overeat after the fast (or during!). Try to discover the amount of food your body really needs.
-Meditate, go for a walk, take lots of naps, journal, listen to music, take long, warm bathes and relax. This is your time for healing, losing weight and gaining self-control!


More fasting tips:

-Many people experience nausea and headaches during fasting and this is often caused by caffeine withdrawal (and we all love our caffeine here) so I recommend, if possible, if you are a heavy soda or coffee drinker start tapering off about a week before the start of your fast. This should do the trick and make it a little easier and your headaches won't be so painful.
-After your fast, when you start to eat normally try very hard not to gorge. The calories you take in directly after your fast will stay with you a lot longer than those acquired when your metabolism is up. Also, you could experience pain and become very ill.
-Don't eat a big meal the night before your fast and never end your fast with heavy foods. Keep it light w/raw or lightly steamed veggies and fruits.
-Dry skin brushing helps your skin to breathe easier and can help eliminate uric acid and other poisons from your system, taking the strain off your kidneys and liver. Start at the feet and stroke your skin towards the heart. Do these before you shower.
-Epson Salt baths are soothing to sore-achy, weak muscles and also help eliminate toxins through the skin. Warm Epson Salt baths are great during fasts.
-There are many types of fasts, here is another: The milk and fruit fast: 3x a day, a glass of milk, raw fruit and water in between.


Some more tips during your fast:

-Try to get plenty of sleep. And if you can't stand your stomach growling the first few days, and are tired of downing the H20, take a nap... listen to some soothing music and drift off.
-Get a massage. If you can afford it, or have your partner or a close friend give you a good rub down or deep tissue massage. This really soothes muscles and makes you calm and sleepy. It helps when you're having trouble sleeping due to hunger during your fast. Plus, it awakens your body, pushes the blood around, etc.
-You may feel weak during your fast so if this is the case, be careful of black outs and don't exercise until you've finished the fast... Stick to stretching, light walking and deep breathing.
-If you suffer from diabetes, hypoglycemia or other similar conditions, please be very, very careful fasting. I'd say don't fast at all but if you feel you can do it safely, you may need a slice of avocado or a banana... You could also add protein powder to your juices.
-Sometimes during a fast, the person will experience back pain. If so, a cold pack will help.
-Canker sores can be healed quicker by dabbing tea tree oil or vitamin E on it.

-If you are just too tired on your water fast, go to a juice fast and if you are already juicing, drink more carrot and melon juices for energy.


Water fasts are always the hardest but fastest for weight loss and detox.

Juice fast is next best and somewhat easier, especially for first time fasters.

You'll lose pounds faster if you have a fast metabolism and slower if you have a slower metabolism. On average, fasts allow you to lose 1-2 lbs per day. Some experience more around 3-5 lbs per day. You'll lose the most and the quickest during the beginning of your fast.

Keeping the Dream Alive (the meat of dead blogs)

There are so many people dropping in and out of Pro-Ana online. Some sites disappear completely. Without getting into too much about myself, I'm a writer. Under normal conditions, I'd never dream of plagiarizing, but I feel that good info found needs to be protected.

The torch must be passed.

Inner Transformation

The hubby is back.

I felt so different while he was gone. After the growing pains from our falling out, and a tiny bit of healing, I feel like I became another person. He was only gone 3 days, and I feel like I've lived weeks. Maybe in my mind (and on this blog lol) I have.

When I see him, I feel like my old self again. Content, fat, complacent. All the things that were killing both of us. I know I'm hard on myself. I actually did tell a soul I know very personally about this blog. I'm not this forthcoming usually but I doubt they'll read it, and if they do, I guess they'll know me a bit better. I refuse to censor. Not that I do very much of that in person either. But I'm deviating...

When he's here I retard. Go backward. In the coming weeks I'll have time away from him to settle into myself stronger, but it is also going to be very important that I don't lose myself and my efforts when he's around. Toward the end of May he'll be around most of the time.

The transformation has to happen on the inside first, before you can see it on the outside.

That said, I'm gonna cruise Angelina pics for thinspo. She's my patron saint of skinniness. Every straight girl has a chica she'd imaginarily swing the other way for. Angelina Jolie is mine. <3<3 I'm glad she's so thin. She'll live longer so I can love her forever. ;)

Whistling in the dark...

Meh.

I needed a quick breakfast, so I had an Atkins Advantage Chocolate Shake. 160 cal. For lunch I had 10 raspberries, and 3 cherry tomatoes... oh, and a bite of bread pretzel. After a very long and completely physical day (think moving half an apartment by yourself furniture and all) I did end up having a normal dinner of veggie nachos. Then I got back to work. It was about a 1000 calorie day thanks to dinner :P ... which by my own theory is acceptable once a week, but which I also said "fuck no" to this morning. I'm not thrilled, but then I did burn a lot too I guess. I'm over it.

I had an awful morning. I think was more edgy in the afternoon because of that than the lack of calories.

In the past when I've lost weight, I didn't have a firm goal in mind like this. I wanted to get lower, but didn't have a timetable. I want to be 150 by July 15th. I decided that a month ago. All this stuff with my husband has refocused me though. Now I'm even more intent on 125 which is the weight my Dad said years ago that I should be, and now out of the blue, that's the number my husband quoted. So 125 is where my head is at.

You know, it never occurred to me before today, but it's possible my dad had issues with ana. I never would have thought so in a million years, but now that I think of it, so many signs were there. 6'2" but weighed between 150 and 160. Often ate once a day, or would go days without eating. Liked fasting a lot. He'd sit out in the sun and tell me that was all the food he needed. Like it was a spiritual thing. But even when he wasn't fasting, he often had only one meal per day. He was SO skinny. And then he got sick. His body failed. He changed his diet from being a vegetarian and started eating meat again. I dunno. Maybe he wasn't, but its interesting that its actually possible. Hmmm...

Well I'm wiped. Going to bed early... oh wait, its already late. fuck. I guess good night anyway. I'll run around and comment the bloggies before I pass out.

Woken By Rain, Blinded By Sun

wtf. that's all I have to say about the weather and waking up this morning.

Been in bed for an hour obsessing. Blah. I don't really want to get up. I have so much to do today. And I need to eat today. I'm messing with some ideas on mixing the type of calories on different days of the week based on what kind of calories they are. (see in the lower right section of this site...by the apple) Today is a high performance day. :P That means I may go with my 750 cal healthy fat focus menu type, but should probably take a 1000 cal day. Grr... fuck that. I don't want a thousand of anything. Except $$... I'd take a thousand dollars right now. ;)

Anyway... its about 8 am here. Time to bite it and get the fuck up. You know if you ever say "I should probably get up now" you're in lazy-as-fuck mode.

Can't I just lay in bed and swear all day? Maybe I'd even get a good calorie burn if I swore passionately enough. Fuck-farm whore-shack pimple-pecker bitch-skank! Ok. That's my turret's outburst for the morning. Can't promise there won't be more.

STAY AWAY FROM BANANAS! Trust me, I'd know.

Love,

Ana Banana

End of the Day Report

Sailed the sea of a completely liquid day. According to my calculations for my modified Master of Disaster Cleanse today my calories were at 670. I'm tracking my progress closely on Tap&Track, but I'm not going to put any exercise in it. It adjusts the daily calorie goals and that messes with my brain. Gonna keep it simple.

My sister tried to offer me another cup'o'calories today, but luckily I could tell her no, but thanks so much. Today is a fasting day.

You guys who are single, live alone, or even just don't have kids... sigh. I love my family and my life, but it makes killing off my fat so hard. I'm fasting today. I'm strong. Keeping motivated. But I have to go to Costco and buy tons of food. I have to put it all away. I have to feed them. Tonight I made pizza and goddamn it I didn't touch a bite of it. If I lived alone it would be so easy. I'd have nothing in my fridge but bok choy, spinach, and carrots... maybe some seaweed salad, avocado, and sashimi. Superfoods. Nothing but superfoods, and just enough of it. Not in a house with steaks and rice and pizza and sandwiches. Ugh. I'll just have to work harder at loathing it all.

Fuck fat fodder foods!

"What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?"

Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet
food to feed it as Fiddledy-Fat-Fuckidy-Fodder-Food?
Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if it come in her presence.

Yes, or if it tried on her pants.

On that note, I turn in my blogging hat for the evening. Red, Scarlet, and I were liquid fasting together today. I think it turned out well! I'm not sure if I'll be able to tomorrow. It may be a higher performance day. I have a TON to do. In any case, I've set my Tap&Track profile to lose 2 lbs per week, plus an additional 500 calorie reduction for good measure. That leaves me a max of 680 calories per day. So even if I don't flush, I'll be on track. :)

Hugs to all! Stay with it girls! Eyes on the prize!

Good night! Sweet skinny dreams... Zzzzzzzz....

No no all wrong...

I know Ive done it before but I dunno about it this time.

First, I had a normal BM this morning, then did the flush. The flush
was soooo much water that it made my tummy hurt. Blarg. Then it felt
good when it all flushed out but not much came out with it. I'm not
impressed.

I'm keeping to liquids tomorrow and on my fasting days, but I don't
think Im going to Master the Bastard Cleanse after all. And before I
go running out for laxatives, I'm going to try coconut oil. A Tbsp of
that fucks me up for days!

Haven't had any calories yet today at all. Only water. Still feel full
from the flush even though it's over.

Ok I just learned something new. I'm gonna take this day by day. No
planning for this week or next week. No expectations to let down or
promises to break. Just the journey.

Master Cleanse!

http://themastercleanse.org/

* Laxatives (to create Daily Detox Bowel Movements) - 3 to 5 herbal tablets before bed
* Sea Salt (for The Salt Water Flush) - 2 tsp. in 1 liter of water in the morning plus an hour
* Hand Juicers or Electric Juicers
* Teaspoon and Tablespoon Measures
* Naturally Non-caffeinated Herbal Teas (the only cheating allowed)
* Bio-Metric Measures (scales, ph-testers, body fat measures, and other devices to measure the results of your cleanse)
* Journals (to document the process, emotions, challenges and triumphs during the Master Cleanse

Lemonade Diet Ingredients - Take 6 to 12 times per day

Mix each of the following lemonade diet ingredients into a large glass:

• 2 Tablespoons Fresh Lemon Juice
• 2 Tablespoons Rich Maple Syrup
• 1/10 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper Powder – or to taste (as much as you can stand)
• 8 ounces (250 milliliters of Pure Water

Ok now listen, some editing has to happen here, because ...

6 glasses of "Lemonade Diet" cleanse here is 670 calories! 176.6 grams of carbs!

Holy shit! No wonder I didn't lose much weight on it last time.

Well I'll do the laxatives, 3 glasses of the drink per day, and the saltwater flush in the morning, plus lots of water in small doses through the day. I need to not drink too much at a time because I need my stomach itself to shrink too.

ttyl lovies! There's a storm rolling in today! I love storms!

Today's Info and Goals

First, again, I need to thank the Pro-Ana community. All the girls who post before and after pics, all the girls who posted their goals and how far they've come. You mean the world to me. I need to know I can do it.

And to my husband (though he'll never read it), thank you for calling me fat. For years you told me it was ok because I was ok with you. Thank you for giving me the motivation I needed to come here. Thank you for calling me to fight. I'm not wearing my wedding ring and it is constantly reminding me of what I don't have and why I don't have it. I love you.

And now? TO THE SCALES YE SCURVY FLEA BAGS! ;)

174.6 That's good. I thought I'd be more around 178. I was 180 last month. Ok, this means I've been losing weight lately ANYWAY. Good. Not fast enough, but good.

Today is a Master Cleanse day! Just for today and tomorrow. After that, Jae comes back and he never likes it when I fast. Bunny food for me from Thursday on.

Not Ana, but Pro Ana

Anorexia: An eating disorder characterized by markedly reduced appetite or total aversion to food. Anorexia is a serious psychological disorder. It is a condition that goes well beyond out-of-control dieting. The person with anorexia, most often a girl or young woman, initially begins dieting to lose weight. Over time, the weight loss becomes a sign of mastery and control. The drive to become thinner is thought to be secondary to concerns about control and fears relating to one's body. The individual continues the endless cycle of restrictive eating, often to a point close to starvation. This becomes an obsession and is similar to an addiction to a drug. Anorexia can be life-threatening.

Anorexia nervosa (AN) is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight, and an obsessive fear of gaining weight due to a distorted self image which may be maintained by various cognitive biases that alter how the affected individual evaluates and thinks about their body, food and eating. AN is a serious mental illness with morbidity and mortality rates as high as those seen in any psychiatric illness.

Is this Ana? I don't think so. I'm not out of control. I'm medically overweight. How can a fat person be Ana? Maybe that comes later. Maybe Ana preys on the weakness of the fat, helps them become a skeleton, but never leaves them. Is it an eating disorder or a self-image disorder?

I told my husband, we'll call him Jae, a few years ago, "I wish I had an eating disorder." He laughed and smiled at me and said, "Sweetie, you DO have an eating disorder."

You see, I eat. That's not Ana. I eat until I hurt. I've done it since I was a little kid. Never waste, clear your plate, people are starving somewhere in this world. If I have an eating disorder, it ain't Ana. I need it to be though. Don't tell me its dangerous. I know that. I'm not crazy. I'm willfull. If I'm flirting with disaster, it's disaster either way, and I'd rather be a skinny disaster than a fat one.

Part 2 - Body Image
Yeah... if it's the face of Ana that tells you that you are a worthless piece of lard, even when you're a "healthy" weight. Then yes, I've been there. And when I became a "healthy" weight and then overweight everyone told me it was ok. Life is about who you are, happiness, not how you look. Holy damn are they full of shit. Over the last 8 years my body image, which was already questionable at best, then totally in the toilet, took another dive. At 170 I couldn't even make love to my husband willingly or without coaxing because I hated inflicting my obese body on him no matter how much he said he loved me or thought I was attractive anyway. I used to be very sexually active, but that was when I felt I had something to offer. Since I haven't, it's been like a part of me was suffocating. Drown in fat.

When I was 128 I still was fatty. I barely wanted to be out in a bikini. Pudgy tummy. Yuck. But as gross as I felt I was then, I had much more confidence than I have now. I don't even look tall anymore. I'm not long and slender. I'm chunky. A 5'10 ogre like the ones I saw at the mall as a kid and swore I'd never be.

But at 178 I do understand that 128 was a godsend. I need to be her again. I'm sorry I called her names. I'm sorry I thought she was fat. Maybe it isn't Ana. Maybe I've learned my lesson and if I can discipline myself enough to get back to my darling 128 I'll treat her better this time. I'll do my best to appreciate her. Sometimes we don't know what we had until we lose it.

I'd put myself in the path of any punishment I need to to get my 128 back. I need to. I will play chicken with Ana if that is the only way I can do it. I'm smart. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be Ana. I know everyone says you can't use her like that. Its dangerous. Right now, danger is my middle name. I'm here to win, not here to fight fair. I'll hire a mercenary if I have to. These be pirate waters.

Will: You ignored the rules of engagement! In a fair fight I would have killed you.
Jack: Thats not much incentive to fight fair then, is it?
- Curse of the Black Pearl -

Day 2 of my Comeback

Red sky at night, sailors delight.
Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.

Last night was a red sky night, I think. I'm looking forward to smooth waters today. I can tell I'm going to be a junkie for this blog. It's only one day old and no one is reading it yet, but it's already helping me. I'm not depressed even though I should be. Or maybe I am, but the affirmations are keeping it in a perfect illusion I need so much. I don't care which it is.

I'll probably post a lot through the day again. I might need to. I didn't midnight snack last night. It felt so good to be hungry, and it felt good to be able to say so somewhere where drama queens won't take it out of context. I'll split up my posts by subject. Might post another now. It just helps my thought process to break them up rather than post an uber long giant one single post. Rain drops of posts rather than the one flood.

Marriage Made

I talked to my husband tonight. He loves me. Or maybe he's open to the idea of loving me because he needs my love. His issues lately have been very hard for him. Think of it as a mid-life crisis if you want. That is a gross over-simplification, but it's close enough for our purposes.

Anyway, I think now it will be more important than ever to get this weight off me.

God I've been super chatty today. Don't expect that to last. I've had a lot bottled up. Plus this is my first anonymous blog EVAR! So I actually feel like I can let it all out. It 'splodeth forth with a vengeance.

Today went well calorie-wise. I definitely fell under 500. I didn't starve, but I didn't stuff my face. Middle grounds are awesome! Tomorrow will be another day.

My husband is away on a trip right now, but when he gets back, I definitely won't be able to write as much. Things will get busier. I'll try not to lose myself in the shuffle. We decided to work on things. Be more nurturing and patient. His suggestion, so that's good. I told him I was going to work aggressively on my weight. He wanted to make sure I lose in a healthy way. I said I'd try, but that it will probably border more on the extreme because I just need to get this fat off me. I will be able to be fitter without this fat on me. So I don't care how I get rid of it as long as it goes. And I told him I'd do my best not to hurt myself.

I hope that's true. I kind of want to hurt myself though. Just because I never get any peace, R&R, or extra consideration unless I'm incapacitated... which almost never happens. Maybe I'll level out and be happy enough to change my mind. I'm not anorexia nervosa. Maybe I just have always been fat. I think I'll be fine. I think I can use Ana as a means to an end. I know the warnings against that. I can just dip in like I did before without sinking into the deep blue. I have a strong mind.

Izabel Goulart has had at least one child that I know of. She is still incredible and strutting it on the VS runway. J'adore.



Maybe I'll dream something beautiful tonight. Good night.

P.S. My tummy just gurgled. It made me happy. Thanks everyone for the thinspo!

Getting Techie on this Bitch

Got me my Tap&Track iPhone app rolling. Set my calorie goals,
weightloss, and dietary goals. Let's rock this. I want to see that
weight chart line free-fall!

Micro-Posty

Took some things over to my sister's place just now. She got me something from a bakery as a thanks for my feeding her cats. Some chocolate macadamia -- you know, I don't even want to tell you what. You don't want to know. See? I feel I must love you (anyone reading wanting to lose weight too) more than she loves me. She KNOWS I'm overweight. She knows I want to lose it. I swear, though it may sound paranoid, I swear she is trying to sabotage me. She has gotten a bit flabby too lately and hates it. Nowhere near as bad as me, but I don't see her eating that shit... yet she always has one in hand for me.

No more. They are going straight into the garbage. God that kills me. I was taught never to waste... And I'm sure it tastes amazing.

What's Our Course Cap'n?

So the blog is all set. I've lied to myself several times today. Out on a thinspiration hunt tonight. I'd love to wallpaper my fridge in vicki's but I have a daughter I'd rather not give a complex.

I'm charting a course for the Master Cleanse. I've done it before. Now I'm going to try it again with regularity. I wish I could work out more. When my husband isn't traveling so much, I'll find the time. Day fasting also suits me well. When I got down to 128 last time it was on little sleep, a turkey dog during the day, and as many pretzels or crackers as I could eat at 3 am. Unfortunately that isn't realistic anymore. I'm also not a moron and know better. There are healthier things than crackers. I actually love raw bok choy salads and other rabbit food shit.

But yeah, I think I need to start with a nice long fast. I've never done laxatives, but I looooooooove the salt water flushes. <3<3<3 Maybe I can just do that instead.

I've been so sad, but the idea of being tall, thin and pretty instead of a huge ogre actually cheers me up from the misery of this weekend. Yay!

I have to keep this blog though. It has to be written in as an honest account of all this. I need a place to talk, and I need to keep myself on track. NEEEEEEEED. The end.

Anyone out there reading this, and appreciating it as much as I appreciate hearing you all... I love you. Start your own blog if you don't have one. I'll read it.

Meet Ana Banana

I'm in my early 30's and married, with 3 kids. I drop tons between pregnancies, then yo-yo back when knocked up. Its always a fight.

I'm 5'10" and used to be 128 lbs. I got there from 150 after my mom died and I got into a new relationship I wanted to do well in. Pretzels, water, and crackers. Maybe a hot dog here and there. Plus running and walking every day. I was a bit tired at 128 and still looked a bit fat to me, but I was beautiful. I didn't think so then, but I see it now. If I could get back there, I'd love myself more this time and have way more fun. Hindsight is 20/20.

My bf, now husband loved me then. I think a quality of his love left his eyes as I gained. I gained because I wanted to have a baby more than I wanted to be thin. Every time my tummy puffed out a bit, I stupidly hoped I was pregnant. Then I'd eat for two. When I'd get my period, I'd fight the weight back down. Once I really had kids it was even harder. I wouldn't hurt my kids and picked up "really healthy" eating habits. Raw food, organic, and health food. Though I haven't eaten a cereal in 8 years, I did pick up processed carbs again during pregnancy and at 178 lbs, now I'm REALLY fat.

I've been with my husband for close to 14 years. He is having a hard time. Among other things he feels he deserves a thin, beautiful wife. He said some harsh things... I'm not his wife, that I somehow made his skin crawl. He's broken my heart in a lot of ways, but this is an all time low. What's worse is, this time he's not saying it to hurt me. Its just true.

So I can't do this anymore. I can't be fat anymore. Not for myself, him, or anyone else. I'm so busy with my kids. I'm a great mom and I love it, so I need to be careful not to hurt them. They keep me so busy its hard to think about myself at all, but I can't do this. I have to be thin again. I actually let people convince me I was healthy. That I should love myself. I'm sorry to say it, but that has gotten me nowhere. Periods of intermittent self-loathing and lack of love.

Don't get me started on other relationships in my life. I had a supermodel body and those who didn't know me (at work, school, etc) wanted to hate me. With those people, I had to be ugly to be loved. Well... fuck those people.

Fuck you everyone who was intimidated by me. Fuck you everyone who judged me without getting to know me. Fuck you everyone who was jealous and wanted to take me down a few notches because I was the sexy, slender, 6 foot (in heels) blond. I was humble, I was kind. If I make it back, this time I'll appreciate it... This time I'll flaunt it... This time I won't give it away.

This is my voyage. And so begins the Pirate Journal of Ana Banana. (Anita if you like.)

Maiden Voyage and Thank You

Ok. It's up. Before I begin I'd like to start by thanking the whole, yes completely controversial pro-ana community. Nay sayers... well, you shouldn't be here at all anyway, but if you are, listen up.

I am where I am.

I am who I am.

Without the pro-ana community I would feel more alone, more lost, isolated, more confused as to what to do, and more ashamed. If more people were as understanding as the ana world, I wouldn't have to write to this blog anonymously. Its sad enough that this is what it takes to be able to be your self and look after yourself. Anyone trying to take this away from us simply doesn't understand.

So, thank you. Thank you all of you who speak up and speak out! I don't care if you're flashing ID or completely incognito. You are precious and make a big difference to me.