Thinspo vs Inspo

We aren't thin enough, so we're unhappy with ourselves. We self loathe to varying degrees individually and for widely varying reasons which includes our weight either as the cause or symptom of our other misery. We often try to harm ourselves through both eating and starving.

This is a problem.

If you really want to be thin, the self-destructive stuff is usually really counter productive. And if you want to be thin and beautiful, there is even less room for self-destructive error. So which is it? Do you want to hurt yourself or do you want to be thin and beautiful?

I'm pretty sure you can't have it. You can't do both. Do you want to hurt yourself, or do you want to be beautiful? Priorities people! ;)

I'm finding in my own life the thinspo is good. It keeps my eye on the ball and reminds me of what my goal is. But it leaves room for self harm that ends up working against me a bit in the long run. How do I balance it all?

lol Honestly, I just want to find the answer. I'm a whore of my own wish to be thin. I'll do anything I'm told for that dolla bill. Tell me I need to be healthy, I'll be healthy (tried that and it didn't work fast enough). Tell me I need to suffer and starve, fine... I'm in there. Either way, I know I have to kill my life long compulsive eating disorder, at least that much is clear. But as to how? I'm not partial. If I believed ritual sacrifice of chickens on a voodoo alter would do it, I'd be raiding the farms every weekend.

I think what has come into play for me recently is that while thinspo is fine, I need it to stay on track... and I looooove it (izz so sexyy, I laaahv eet!).

But..

but...

BUT due to my own self destructive tendencies, this on it's own isn't enough for me. I'm a bit inconsistent. I moved strong when things were bad with my husband and I 20 pounds ago, but now things are better and the strife has faded, so it isn't as motivating as it was. My own internal fight is enough for me to maintain weight easily enough, but not drastically lose. It seems I need "inspo" beyond thinspo.

Results are addicting thinspo.
Emotional anguish is an effective inspo, but hopefully not sustaining.

I've been looking for a more potent form of inspo to work into my thinspo, and I think I finally found it. Maybe our goals need to be greater. Maybe we need a 0 cal carrot to dangle in front of our face that we want more than anything... something we can do but don't. The kind of promise we keep to ourselves. I think I found mine. Maybe that's why I feel so crazy hyper today! I'm so excited! But that is another post...

xox