Yesterday I ate something really gross. Nasty hot dogs... about one and a half of them. They upset my stomach. Knowing they were about 400 cals total... maybe 500 made me even sicker. I purged. I couldn't help it. There I said it.
I felt much better afterward. Got rid of at least half of it. As a punishment for purging I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day except water and tea. I really don't think this will become a habit. And I do kinda think I was better of not having that garbage in my body for many reasons. Hot dogs are such dirty food. >P I'm not volunteering this little story to anyone I know though. I'm not really embarrassed, but I think they'd freak out and I don't want to deal with it. I'm definitely a bit uncomfortable with where this puts my eating disorder(s). I guess all this is a really slippery slope.
Which is why I'm going to get very strict on eating healthy!
Healthy! Extreme calorie restriction! High nutrition foods! Low fat protein! No chemicals!
I'm getting a salad shooter, and a whole bunch of Pacific Natural Foods organic soups. The idea is to use the lowest cal soups like the Mushroom Broth and French Onion Soup (5 cals/cup and 30 cals/cup), heat a cup or two of broth and pour the hot soup over raw shredded veggie combos of maybe carrots, spinach, chard, mushrooms, zucchini, and soy meats. It will be nutritious but super low cal, and will also get me back on track with the raw eating lifestyle since the veggies will be heated but not cooked. That will be lunch. Breakfast will be either nothing or maybe two boiled eggs and only eat one of the yolks, or a 100% raw smoothie. Dinners will be raw veggie salads or slaws dressed with lemon juice and salt, or a mustard dressing, or if I can take the cals I'll make a dressing out of avocado. Maybe a side of grilled fish with dinner too.
Lots of tea! Lots of water! Mmm... I've really been into hot water with a squeeze of lemon juice lately.
That's the game plan! Yar!!! I've done it before, I can do it again. Throw in a couple fasts here and there and I'm golden.
Oh! I also got a new juicer. My old one sucked. So I can to veggie juice fasts. I really like cabbage juice. I don't know a lot of juicing recipes so I got a recipe book to go with it. I know, big spender, but I think it will help me get back on track. I need that. I've lost 20 lbs. Now I need to do it again. I've spent a year 80% raw or more, and I need to do that again too. AND I ONCE GOT DOWN TO 128lbs SO LETS THROW THAT IN THERE TOO!
These are not foreign lands and strange goals! It is all familiar territory! If I can get a grip on myself I can do it, and do it well and healthy. Oh boy. Ok... now to brave dinner with the family and try not to eat it. ;)
hearts to all!
xox
The picture you posted on this blog entry is one of my favorite thinspo pics. I wish I could blow it up and make it a huge poster and post one in all the rooms of my house, especially the kitchen!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I am also pro-ana in the sense that believe in calorie restriction, but I don't want to look like a skeleton. I want to be thin, but still look alive. I have moments when I'm great at restricting, but when I'm not, my bulimia takes over. I am a bulimic, not an anorexic. I have purged up to 3 times a day some days. And some weeks, I have purged everyday. Some days the bulimia makes me feel good because I'm able to eat what I want without gaining weight, but I hate when the bulimia gets out of control, and I feel the urge to purge everything. You're so right; there's nothing healthy about purging. I've got to get control back and get back to restricting. I've been purging too much, and it's causing my stomach to bloat. So gross. Eating organic soup and raw veggies sounds like a good idea. Maybe I'll try something similar too. Good luck. :-)