The story of the Mia girl Alita totally made me cry. The part that was a normal day in her life. I've watched this whole show so far without getting very bothered or emotional until now. Her day... her eating... omg :( X( the binge... That is the closest thing I've seen to how I have eaten much of my life. I didn't do the purge. I don't except for the one time. But the eating..... /cry I feel so sick and sad right now. That eating, the lack of control. That's what I'm fighting. 6 plates of food! Go watch that part... watch it if you want to know me. :( Not the purging, just the eating.
That is why the purging scares me. That is why the fact that I even did it once is freaking me out now. Because giving into the binge/purge cycle for me worse than anything would be giving into the binge. The binge that has ruled my life, taken my thinness from me, and brought me here.
I'm sorrry. I'm totally having a breakdown right now. fucking hell..... THAT is why I am trying so hard to thrive on the control of Ana vs Mia. THAT is why. Because Ana, I might get thin and survive, but Mia is something that I know for a fact would kill me. jesus.... I'm afraid to go back and finish watching this thing. Even more so because I had no idea I'd react so strongly. Something here is connecting a lot deeper than I thought. More layers, more layers. Who knows where I'll end up when it's all peeled away..... I hate surprises.
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