Meh.
I needed a quick breakfast, so I had an Atkins Advantage Chocolate Shake. 160 cal. For lunch I had 10 raspberries, and 3 cherry tomatoes... oh, and a bite of bread pretzel. After a very long and completely physical day (think moving half an apartment by yourself furniture and all) I did end up having a normal dinner of veggie nachos. Then I got back to work. It was about a 1000 calorie day thanks to dinner :P ... which by my own theory is acceptable once a week, but which I also said "fuck no" to this morning. I'm not thrilled, but then I did burn a lot too I guess. I'm over it.
I had an awful morning. I think was more edgy in the afternoon because of that than the lack of calories.
In the past when I've lost weight, I didn't have a firm goal in mind like this. I wanted to get lower, but didn't have a timetable. I want to be 150 by July 15th. I decided that a month ago. All this stuff with my husband has refocused me though. Now I'm even more intent on 125 which is the weight my Dad said years ago that I should be, and now out of the blue, that's the number my husband quoted. So 125 is where my head is at.
You know, it never occurred to me before today, but it's possible my dad had issues with ana. I never would have thought so in a million years, but now that I think of it, so many signs were there. 6'2" but weighed between 150 and 160. Often ate once a day, or would go days without eating. Liked fasting a lot. He'd sit out in the sun and tell me that was all the food he needed. Like it was a spiritual thing. But even when he wasn't fasting, he often had only one meal per day. He was SO skinny. And then he got sick. His body failed. He changed his diet from being a vegetarian and started eating meat again. I dunno. Maybe he wasn't, but its interesting that its actually possible. Hmmm...
Well I'm wiped. Going to bed early... oh wait, its already late. fuck. I guess good night anyway. I'll run around and comment the bloggies before I pass out.
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