Anyway, I think now it will be more important than ever to get this weight off me.
God I've been super chatty today. Don't expect that to last. I've had a lot bottled up. Plus this is my first anonymous blog EVAR! So I actually feel like I can let it all out. It 'splodeth forth with a vengeance.
Today went well calorie-wise. I definitely fell under 500. I didn't starve, but I didn't stuff my face. Middle grounds are awesome! Tomorrow will be another day.
My husband is away on a trip right now, but when he gets back, I definitely won't be able to write as much. Things will get busier. I'll try not to lose myself in the shuffle. We decided to work on things. Be more nurturing and patient. His suggestion, so that's good. I told him I was going to work aggressively on my weight. He wanted to make sure I lose in a healthy way. I said I'd try, but that it will probably border more on the extreme because I just need to get this fat off me. I will be able to be fitter without this fat on me. So I don't care how I get rid of it as long as it goes. And I told him I'd do my best not to hurt myself.
I hope that's true. I kind of want to hurt myself though. Just because I never get any peace, R&R, or extra consideration unless I'm incapacitated... which almost never happens. Maybe I'll level out and be happy enough to change my mind. I'm not anorexia nervosa. Maybe I just have always been fat. I think I'll be fine. I think I can use Ana as a means to an end. I know the warnings against that. I can just dip in like I did before without sinking into the deep blue. I have a strong mind.
Izabel Goulart has had at least one child that I know of. She is still incredible and strutting it on the VS runway. J'adore.
Maybe I'll dream something beautiful tonight. Good night.
P.S. My tummy just gurgled. It made me happy. Thanks everyone for the thinspo!
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