Thursday, April 29, 2010

Inner Transformation

The hubby is back.

I felt so different while he was gone. After the growing pains from our falling out, and a tiny bit of healing, I feel like I became another person. He was only gone 3 days, and I feel like I've lived weeks. Maybe in my mind (and on this blog lol) I have.

When I see him, I feel like my old self again. Content, fat, complacent. All the things that were killing both of us. I know I'm hard on myself. I actually did tell a soul I know very personally about this blog. I'm not this forthcoming usually but I doubt they'll read it, and if they do, I guess they'll know me a bit better. I refuse to censor. Not that I do very much of that in person either. But I'm deviating...

When he's here I retard. Go backward. In the coming weeks I'll have time away from him to settle into myself stronger, but it is also going to be very important that I don't lose myself and my efforts when he's around. Toward the end of May he'll be around most of the time.

The transformation has to happen on the inside first, before you can see it on the outside.

That said, I'm gonna cruise Angelina pics for thinspo. She's my patron saint of skinniness. Every straight girl has a chica she'd imaginarily swing the other way for. Angelina Jolie is mine. <3<3 I'm glad she's so thin. She'll live longer so I can love her forever. ;)

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