More Identity Crisis!

I'm like a two faced teddy bear. Both sides fight. Part of me is so happy. And when I'm happy, loving, and feeling loved I get content and don't try as hard to lose weight. I feel good enough. That's healthy right? WRONG! Why? Because others aren't content with me and won't be until I'm thin. And part of me will never be completely happy until I'm thin. So what the fuck. My happiness is self-sabotaging my happiness? That is a backwards-ass problem if I ever heard one. And since when is it bad to be happy. That's how I know this world is fucked and anyone having a hard time with it, or being depressed about it is also healthy. Those people who run around thinking everything is fine and normal scare me. They clearly have no idea what the hell is going on. They are maybe one degree smarter than sandwich meat, and if someone decided to put them between bread and end it all, I wouldn't complain.

Sorry I've been a bit missing-in-action. I've been summering. Have company visiting, done more traveling, and am pretty much enjoying myself while trying to not balloon into a flab-filled parade float.

hehe gross.

I haven't lost a pound in a month. Isn't that sad? I haven't been trying. Not really. I haven't gained anything either. Maybe I did lose one pound. I'm sitting at 163ish. Fuck that's heavy! For me that's still hell of heavy. I need to focus. I need to not let the compliments, and guys hitting on me go to my head and keep my mind on the goal.

EYE ON THE PRIZE BITCHES, EYE ON THE PRIZE!

My prize is 130 lbs. I dropped my first 20 lbs pretty quick. I need to get back after it and drop another 20. At my height, I'll look damn fine at 140... but 130 is heaven. Then a lil surgery plastico to get rid of all the preggy stretched skin, and I'm golden.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! The preggo scare. That also tripped me up. Another reason why I wasn't fasting or extreme restricting. But I'm not pregnant! Yay!! As Scarlet said, not against kids or anything (I have a few already...) but I need to get my body back.

So ok, I'm pumped. Lets do this. I'm not stopping until I'm another 20 lbs down.

Hugs n hearts to my sisters!
xox