When the Holiday Season has passed us by would you rather it left you svelte as an elf or thick as Saint Nick? Here are 10 ways to keep lean as a reindeer.
10. Dasher - Dress as dashing and gorgeous as you can. If there is less room for "error" in your outfit, you will be less likely to stuff yourself like a stocking.
9. Dancer - Self explanatory. Dance! Enjoy the parties and shake your holly jolly groove thang.
8. Prancer - Don't walk or stroll through the mall shopping or chilling with friends. Brush up your Naomi Campbell and strut with speed and style. You'll look hawt and it'll keep your metabolism up!
7. Vixen - Yeah they don't call her that for nothing. ;) I'm talking about sex, Miss Post! Sexy Santa Babies burn lots of cals in the bedroom. Make sure you have a safe partner, but go nympho for New Years! It's more fun than cookies anyway.
6. Comet - ...cleanser that is! Keep your room/house/apartment clean. It will keep your mind clear too and give you something non-diet-related to be OCD about.
5. Cupid - In our romantic lives we tend to figure nothing says I love you like sweets. Unfigure that! You can be a better Cupid by being creative with your indulgences. Focus on adventures, music, massages, baths, or other sensual pursuits involving your 4 non-taste-related senses.
4. Donner - Or should I say DAWNer... As in MORNING. What I'm trying to say is, amid all the dancing and vixening, don't forget to go to bed early every couple of nights and recharge with some good sleep. Even a nap is helpful. Often we eat to compensate with sleepless fatigue. So be sure to don your gay sleep apparel and falala lalala la la lall asleep.
3. Blitzen - Ballroom blitz, bar fight, or Bikram, keep up with your workouts. There is no appetite suppresser like intense physical activity. It literally shuts the stomach down temporarily. So get blitzin'!
2. Rudolph - Lead the sleigh, and lead the way. Don't wait on family or friends to do right or get in active gear or keep the menu healthy. It's all you. Be the motivator and the others might even follow. Either way, you'll be all set to survive the holidays slim and slender!
1. Hohoho - Smile and above all else, laugh. It's the best ab workout and can shift your mood and chemistry on a dime!
Merry Christmas!!!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Out of My Discomfort Zone
Still in Hawaii, and still loving it. Beautiful day after beautiful day pass here, full of activity, living, and usefulness. I'm truly happy here.
BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE MY NEVER ENDING BATTLE WITH FOOD.
I was doing really well. Mostly raw. But the last couple days I've let slip and last night I was served breaded fish and rice pilaf from a box and ate it. :(((( I'm slowly sinking back into garbage mainstream eating because THAT is what my in-laws think is healthy and acceptable! It's not! Maybe I'm overreacting. It actually wasn't the last couple of days, it was just the one meal. But the temptation has been there for several days which is almost as bad! Maybe I should just let it go... just one meal of questionable food... But I can't. It's like giving an alcoholic a bottle of wine!
I've worked so hard to fight my eating disorder, and constantly fight my lifelong dietary programming that tells me to stuff my face with factory produced rehash that is not real food. It is my responsibility to protect myself from packaged food industry and it's commercially brainwashed minions in the masses. I know. But it's hard having it in my face every day. This is even worse than when I was fasting and sticking to my diet in months past while still cooking for my kids. The food is even worse, and people are serving it to me almost constantly.
I've fought back by offering to make dinner. Serving fresh salads, veggie dishes, and steamed or grilled fish or chicken, or making sushi and soups. They love my dinners... but I think their cravings and bad habits freak out and kick in and then they fight back with fried foods, starches, and boxed meals... cereals and cookies... pasta pasta pasta. /sigh... :(
I need to get out of here. I'm more physically active than ever. This should be great for me, but my body needs beautiful food, healthy food for radiant, glowing, health and beauty. My body needs to be not only my temple but my sanctuary!
bah.
damn people are violating my sanctuary. I need better security. Gotta put in some cameras and alarm systems. ;)
Sorry about all the fussing. I'm just upset I'm dealing with this at all.
And the result:
I'm water fasting today. I'm thinking about fasting all week. What does that mean? I am shutting down and going back to the only thing I know I can do to battle my ED and that is my other ED. Am I relapsing? Regressing? Or am I just honestly hitting a reset button to recommit to the healthy pattern I've successfully maintained for a while? I don't know. I do know that I don't really trust myself. I also know that I can't talk myself out of it.
As this is my journal I must be completely honest and say that I'm punishing myself for what I ate for dinner last night. Breaded fish and pilaf. My penance is one full day of "Hail glass, full of water" and two days of "Our juice fast, thou art heaven..." My brain knows this is not the best example of behavior. My husband would probably insist on a different course correction. But he's not here. He's been gone for 2 of 3 weeks we knew we'd be without him this month. So oh well. Ideally I should be eating healthy, I know that. And I have been most of the time. Obviously I've slipped though and that is absolutely unacceptable. We all know I'd rather err on the side of starvation than on the side of poison/gluttony.
I'm sure this is just temporary. I'll get my day of water and couple days of juice fasting out of the way, feel better, and go back to enjoying my bowls of sunshine. Fresh fruit right off the trees in the morning, gorgeous green salads in the afternoon, and vivid vital veggies in the evenings! Yay! Yup, that's what I'm going to do.
NO PILAF EVER AGAIN! I REPENT!
-----Comments-----
Kazehana - I definitely agree on the importance of fats. Thats why I figured I'd stick with the naturally oily foods like salmon, avocado, and olives. I always opt for butter over margarine. Oh and I didn't give up oil entirely on my salads but I am trying avocado oil... so I get some of that every day. Besides my salads and sauces, I'm not getting much oil though because I'm not cooking much. No butter because I haven't been eating anything that cooks in or uses butter. I'm an avocado junkie though, so I'm probably ok on the oil front. :)
BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE MY NEVER ENDING BATTLE WITH FOOD.
I was doing really well. Mostly raw. But the last couple days I've let slip and last night I was served breaded fish and rice pilaf from a box and ate it. :(((( I'm slowly sinking back into garbage mainstream eating because THAT is what my in-laws think is healthy and acceptable! It's not! Maybe I'm overreacting. It actually wasn't the last couple of days, it was just the one meal. But the temptation has been there for several days which is almost as bad! Maybe I should just let it go... just one meal of questionable food... But I can't. It's like giving an alcoholic a bottle of wine!
I've worked so hard to fight my eating disorder, and constantly fight my lifelong dietary programming that tells me to stuff my face with factory produced rehash that is not real food. It is my responsibility to protect myself from packaged food industry and it's commercially brainwashed minions in the masses. I know. But it's hard having it in my face every day. This is even worse than when I was fasting and sticking to my diet in months past while still cooking for my kids. The food is even worse, and people are serving it to me almost constantly.
I've fought back by offering to make dinner. Serving fresh salads, veggie dishes, and steamed or grilled fish or chicken, or making sushi and soups. They love my dinners... but I think their cravings and bad habits freak out and kick in and then they fight back with fried foods, starches, and boxed meals... cereals and cookies... pasta pasta pasta. /sigh... :(
I need to get out of here. I'm more physically active than ever. This should be great for me, but my body needs beautiful food, healthy food for radiant, glowing, health and beauty. My body needs to be not only my temple but my sanctuary!
bah.
damn people are violating my sanctuary. I need better security. Gotta put in some cameras and alarm systems. ;)
Sorry about all the fussing. I'm just upset I'm dealing with this at all.
And the result:
I'm water fasting today. I'm thinking about fasting all week. What does that mean? I am shutting down and going back to the only thing I know I can do to battle my ED and that is my other ED. Am I relapsing? Regressing? Or am I just honestly hitting a reset button to recommit to the healthy pattern I've successfully maintained for a while? I don't know. I do know that I don't really trust myself. I also know that I can't talk myself out of it.
As this is my journal I must be completely honest and say that I'm punishing myself for what I ate for dinner last night. Breaded fish and pilaf. My penance is one full day of "Hail glass, full of water" and two days of "Our juice fast, thou art heaven..." My brain knows this is not the best example of behavior. My husband would probably insist on a different course correction. But he's not here. He's been gone for 2 of 3 weeks we knew we'd be without him this month. So oh well. Ideally I should be eating healthy, I know that. And I have been most of the time. Obviously I've slipped though and that is absolutely unacceptable. We all know I'd rather err on the side of starvation than on the side of poison/gluttony.
I'm sure this is just temporary. I'll get my day of water and couple days of juice fasting out of the way, feel better, and go back to enjoying my bowls of sunshine. Fresh fruit right off the trees in the morning, gorgeous green salads in the afternoon, and vivid vital veggies in the evenings! Yay! Yup, that's what I'm going to do.
NO PILAF EVER AGAIN! I REPENT!
-----Comments-----
Kazehana - I definitely agree on the importance of fats. Thats why I figured I'd stick with the naturally oily foods like salmon, avocado, and olives. I always opt for butter over margarine. Oh and I didn't give up oil entirely on my salads but I am trying avocado oil... so I get some of that every day. Besides my salads and sauces, I'm not getting much oil though because I'm not cooking much. No butter because I haven't been eating anything that cooks in or uses butter. I'm an avocado junkie though, so I'm probably ok on the oil front. :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Drinking Air and Eating Sunshine
Hawaii has been good to me.
Staying in someone else's house makes it difficult to stick with the rhythm I want/need my life to follow. However, being here on Maui, influenced by the sun, sea, sand, and stars (Yes, you really can see them here.), it is so much clearer who I am and how I want to live. I'm more driven to do things the way I think best. My motivation is limitless.
\\ Rainy Day Today //
I love the storms here. Wet, windy, and... warm? And another thing I love here is that it gets dark at night. Out in the middle of nowhere paradise, there are no street lights. It's wave-your-hand-blindly-in-front-of-your-face dark. :) Mmmmm happiness.
I've been reading one of those books I listed the other day. Raw Food Life Force Energy. I'm still fascinated by the science of energy passed through the food chain, and the book does go into some of that. But eventually I think the book departs a bit from science and into a more "new age" intuition and philosophy without so much evidence. Which is fine. It's good to hear other perspectives and learn what good there is in them. I'm not so sure about aligning my diet with specific "vibrations" but I am interested in getting as clean and close to a natural source of nourishment as possible and all the benefits one can receive from such a lifestyle. I've begun to skip around a bit, but I'm still reading. It's a pretty cool book.
EATING SUNSHINE
I've taken to making as much of my meals as possible out of sunshine. :)
Sunshine = foods recently picked... fresh, raw fruits and veggies with as little man-made influence as possible.
For example:
Breakfast today was lemon mint tea (using lemons off the tree and fresh mint), a green salad, and a bit of smoked salmon.
I admit the smoked salmon is not perfect, but it's pretty close to raw and feels pretty light. The salad is my bowl of sunshine though. Everything fresh and bright, recently picked and still full of sunlight. I feel great eating my sunshine. I also tend to eat a lot of fruits right off the trees. Papaya, passion fruit (usually eat 3 or 4 a day here), guava, and tree ripened bananas from the back yard. I don't tend to eat bananas, but I think the sunshine factor in a banana right from the tree outweighs the peril of the calories. I've had a fair amount of avocado too.
What I've cut since I've been here (in addition to the processed foods, breads, cereals, canned goods, milk, most cheeses, red meat etc. that I already don't eat or only have on rare occasion) is oils. I know, I know... omega3 yadda yadda... olive oil is good for you blah blah blah. I do know all the support for it. But I'm going back to my own common sense, which says that during the millions of years of our evolution there was no olive oil flowing across the land for us to collect and spill over our salads. We didn't evolve ingesting such large servings of oils. And since we're water based life forms, I question what the oil coating in our digestive system does to us. I'm trying to skip it. I'll eat foods that naturally have oil, like salmon, avocado, and olives. Yum yum... especially the olives. :) My fave. But nope, dripping and pouring oil... No thanks.
So again, time will tell how well this works for me.
The goal of course is to be lean, strong, and glowing radiantly. I am still carrying around too much weight. This book I'm reading talks about that too. Overloading our bodies and how to let it go. I need to let go of at LEAST another 20 lbs of overload. I also haven't been able to track my weight since I've been here. I hope getting back home to my scale in about a month will tell me something I want to hear. :)
Until then, I'll listen to my body, get natural and get simple.
And I'll post as much as I have time to in case it does work out so that everyone knows exactly what I did to get to the goal. My goal, your goal... a skinny, healthy goal.
Hearts to all! <3
Staying in someone else's house makes it difficult to stick with the rhythm I want/need my life to follow. However, being here on Maui, influenced by the sun, sea, sand, and stars (Yes, you really can see them here.), it is so much clearer who I am and how I want to live. I'm more driven to do things the way I think best. My motivation is limitless.
\\ Rainy Day Today //
I love the storms here. Wet, windy, and... warm? And another thing I love here is that it gets dark at night. Out in the middle of nowhere paradise, there are no street lights. It's wave-your-hand-blindly-in-front-of-your-face dark. :) Mmmmm happiness.
I've been reading one of those books I listed the other day. Raw Food Life Force Energy. I'm still fascinated by the science of energy passed through the food chain, and the book does go into some of that. But eventually I think the book departs a bit from science and into a more "new age" intuition and philosophy without so much evidence. Which is fine. It's good to hear other perspectives and learn what good there is in them. I'm not so sure about aligning my diet with specific "vibrations" but I am interested in getting as clean and close to a natural source of nourishment as possible and all the benefits one can receive from such a lifestyle. I've begun to skip around a bit, but I'm still reading. It's a pretty cool book.
EATING SUNSHINE
I've taken to making as much of my meals as possible out of sunshine. :)
Sunshine = foods recently picked... fresh, raw fruits and veggies with as little man-made influence as possible.
For example:
Breakfast today was lemon mint tea (using lemons off the tree and fresh mint), a green salad, and a bit of smoked salmon.
I admit the smoked salmon is not perfect, but it's pretty close to raw and feels pretty light. The salad is my bowl of sunshine though. Everything fresh and bright, recently picked and still full of sunlight. I feel great eating my sunshine. I also tend to eat a lot of fruits right off the trees. Papaya, passion fruit (usually eat 3 or 4 a day here), guava, and tree ripened bananas from the back yard. I don't tend to eat bananas, but I think the sunshine factor in a banana right from the tree outweighs the peril of the calories. I've had a fair amount of avocado too.
What I've cut since I've been here (in addition to the processed foods, breads, cereals, canned goods, milk, most cheeses, red meat etc. that I already don't eat or only have on rare occasion) is oils. I know, I know... omega3 yadda yadda... olive oil is good for you blah blah blah. I do know all the support for it. But I'm going back to my own common sense, which says that during the millions of years of our evolution there was no olive oil flowing across the land for us to collect and spill over our salads. We didn't evolve ingesting such large servings of oils. And since we're water based life forms, I question what the oil coating in our digestive system does to us. I'm trying to skip it. I'll eat foods that naturally have oil, like salmon, avocado, and olives. Yum yum... especially the olives. :) My fave. But nope, dripping and pouring oil... No thanks.
So again, time will tell how well this works for me.
The goal of course is to be lean, strong, and glowing radiantly. I am still carrying around too much weight. This book I'm reading talks about that too. Overloading our bodies and how to let it go. I need to let go of at LEAST another 20 lbs of overload. I also haven't been able to track my weight since I've been here. I hope getting back home to my scale in about a month will tell me something I want to hear. :)
Until then, I'll listen to my body, get natural and get simple.
And I'll post as much as I have time to in case it does work out so that everyone knows exactly what I did to get to the goal. My goal, your goal... a skinny, healthy goal.
Hearts to all! <3
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
175 Days to My One Year Skinniversary
Not officially skinny yet. I know. But the day I snapped and changed my life completely and uncompromisingly is the day I call my Skinniversary. I look at it like a birthday, or maybe a rebirthday. I'll never forget the day. April 26th, 2010. I almost feel like it's more relevant to me than my birthday.
I'm really looking forward to my Skinniversary. I think it may end up my favorite holiday, seeing how I progress every year.
Just my thoughts for the morning.
I'm really looking forward to my Skinniversary. I think it may end up my favorite holiday, seeing how I progress every year.
Just my thoughts for the morning.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Really Am Lost At Sea
Still in Hawaii.
I'm absolutely consumed by my life here.
I am never bored. It's amazing. I have busied myself to a thrilling degree. It suits me. It's who I am.
I've done some home restoration projects, gone to the beach, mowed lawns, gone on commando hikes, built a greenhouse, and have plans for so much more. Landscaping a part jungle property for one.
On the down side, I'm staying with other people and not eating right. My yoga and beautiful diet have been interrupted by the trip and family culture in the house I'm staying at. You can see by my activities I've kept active, so that's good. And I've lost about a pound.... but still. I need to stay on my program. Stay raw, stick with yoga and keep them as my habit and lifestyle. I don't want to lose that battle. I'll be here for more than another month, so I have to be sure to correct it ASAP. This month my PMDD didn't cause me to mess up though, but my mess up has made my PMDD noticeably worse.
Even here in absolute heaven I can't get a grip on my hormonal demon. Chemicals are chemicals and no amount of happiness and wishing it away are going to help me. It kicked up a couple days ago and is not expected to let up for 12 or so more days. Boo... That is the full length of PMDD. I was so excited last month when I cut my time in half by doing so well. Fuck. I'm an inconsistent person. In fact my slogan is often "If I'm consistently anything, I'm inconsistent." It's amazing on its own that I've stuck to losing weight and altering my eating disorder so intensely since April. It should indicate how deep and powerful those feelings are. On the other hand, it also indicates my extreme personality and unlikeliness of doing anything in moderation.
And another paragraph is completely all over the map. But so am I. That's the nature of things this time of the month.
Back to focusing... Beach Body had an interesting article on the effects of your social network on your health and thinness. http://www.beachbody.com/product/newsletters/nl_431.do
Even more interesting to me, I was reading about the energy of the sun and how it relates to diet and the food chain. The energy from the sun radiates down on our planet. Plants take this energy and convert it into something usable as nourishment. Then other living things, mainly herbivores, eat the plants, taking about 10% of the solar energy remaining within the plant matter. Meat eaters then eat the herbivores, but only get about 10% of the solar energy that the herbivore had gotten from the plant. The more raw fruit and vegetable you eat, the more direct solar energy your body has access to. The quality of that energy and amount is greater. If you eat a lot of meat, the amount is greatly diminished. AND it didn't even get into the concept of cooking. Cooking pretty much kills and breaks down the food quality.
Anyway, the idea of eating light... eating solar energy was fascinating to me. The basis of life! Could anything be better than that? And I finally get it!
No wonder some people say their body is their temple! It's almost spiritual. Mind, body, and soul right? Eating raw, whole fruits and vegetables... preferably picked recently or immediately... is taking in a more raw form of energy! No wonder so many of the most successful actors and super models do it. Maybe that more raw solar energy is a bit like a gentle touch from a fountain of youth. You can always spot them. Like Christy Turlington and Carol Alt... and look at Woody Harrelson! Did you know he's going to be 50 next year? One thing that stands out about all of them (and several hippie people I know) is that they have glowing, incredible skin. They look in person, without makeup, how most people look on a hollywood screen after $5,000 of makeup and $10,000 of digital enhancement. Raw food. Raw energy. I'm excited. Can you tell?
See before I was coming from an approach of recognizing the quality of vitamins and enzymes. I really wasn't comprehending the solar energy and source of all life bit.
I'll quit ranting now. :) Might even have some breakfast. Some very, very fresh breakfast.
I'm thinking of buying a couple of books this morning too...
and
Ok. Byebye for now. <3
xox
I'm absolutely consumed by my life here.
I am never bored. It's amazing. I have busied myself to a thrilling degree. It suits me. It's who I am.
I've done some home restoration projects, gone to the beach, mowed lawns, gone on commando hikes, built a greenhouse, and have plans for so much more. Landscaping a part jungle property for one.
On the down side, I'm staying with other people and not eating right. My yoga and beautiful diet have been interrupted by the trip and family culture in the house I'm staying at. You can see by my activities I've kept active, so that's good. And I've lost about a pound.... but still. I need to stay on my program. Stay raw, stick with yoga and keep them as my habit and lifestyle. I don't want to lose that battle. I'll be here for more than another month, so I have to be sure to correct it ASAP. This month my PMDD didn't cause me to mess up though, but my mess up has made my PMDD noticeably worse.
Even here in absolute heaven I can't get a grip on my hormonal demon. Chemicals are chemicals and no amount of happiness and wishing it away are going to help me. It kicked up a couple days ago and is not expected to let up for 12 or so more days. Boo... That is the full length of PMDD. I was so excited last month when I cut my time in half by doing so well. Fuck. I'm an inconsistent person. In fact my slogan is often "If I'm consistently anything, I'm inconsistent." It's amazing on its own that I've stuck to losing weight and altering my eating disorder so intensely since April. It should indicate how deep and powerful those feelings are. On the other hand, it also indicates my extreme personality and unlikeliness of doing anything in moderation.
And another paragraph is completely all over the map. But so am I. That's the nature of things this time of the month.
Back to focusing... Beach Body had an interesting article on the effects of your social network on your health and thinness. http://www.beachbody.com/product/newsletters/nl_431.do
Even more interesting to me, I was reading about the energy of the sun and how it relates to diet and the food chain. The energy from the sun radiates down on our planet. Plants take this energy and convert it into something usable as nourishment. Then other living things, mainly herbivores, eat the plants, taking about 10% of the solar energy remaining within the plant matter. Meat eaters then eat the herbivores, but only get about 10% of the solar energy that the herbivore had gotten from the plant. The more raw fruit and vegetable you eat, the more direct solar energy your body has access to. The quality of that energy and amount is greater. If you eat a lot of meat, the amount is greatly diminished. AND it didn't even get into the concept of cooking. Cooking pretty much kills and breaks down the food quality.
Anyway, the idea of eating light... eating solar energy was fascinating to me. The basis of life! Could anything be better than that? And I finally get it!
No wonder some people say their body is their temple! It's almost spiritual. Mind, body, and soul right? Eating raw, whole fruits and vegetables... preferably picked recently or immediately... is taking in a more raw form of energy! No wonder so many of the most successful actors and super models do it. Maybe that more raw solar energy is a bit like a gentle touch from a fountain of youth. You can always spot them. Like Christy Turlington and Carol Alt... and look at Woody Harrelson! Did you know he's going to be 50 next year? One thing that stands out about all of them (and several hippie people I know) is that they have glowing, incredible skin. They look in person, without makeup, how most people look on a hollywood screen after $5,000 of makeup and $10,000 of digital enhancement. Raw food. Raw energy. I'm excited. Can you tell?
See before I was coming from an approach of recognizing the quality of vitamins and enzymes. I really wasn't comprehending the solar energy and source of all life bit.
I'll quit ranting now. :) Might even have some breakfast. Some very, very fresh breakfast.
I'm thinking of buying a couple of books this morning too...
Raw Food Life Force Energy: Enter a Totally New Stratosphere of Weight Loss, Beauty, and Health
and
Get Naked Fast! A Guide to Stripping Away the Foods That Weigh You Down
Ok. Byebye for now. <3
xox
Friday, October 15, 2010
It's Been Quiet
The Pirate Journal has been a bit quiet lately. Not a lot of scurrilous behavior to report. In fact, things have been surprisingly tame around here lately. For the first time in a long time, my diet isn't an issue. That's incredible and I'm really excited about it. Raw food baby, raw food. I've said it over and over in my posts here. It's the answer. Low low cal, high nutrition, healthy enzymes... it's what your body wants. I did binge just once and it was stupid. Just that cheeseless pizza that one night. But since I've behaved again.
Eating raw has helped me not to binge by taking away my body's ravenous urge to do it. All that is left then is my binge habit in general, but without my body pushing it, it's much easier to be about to take a bite, or to take one bite, set it down, and walk away. Which I've done repeatedly. When I send out a binge report saying I didn't binge for days or weeks, it doesn't mean I wasn't on the verge. But without my body's vampire-like hunger driving me compulsively toward monstrous disaster, all that's left is a misbehaving puppy who responds to the wag of a finger and a nudge.
Raw food. I promise you. I have the way to get there outlined step by step on Pro-Ana Optimal in the Step by Step Guide. It's hard to go raw cold turkey, but it can be worked up to.
I am on top of the world the days that I have a 100% raw day. It's bliss. My body feels euphoric. Having done this for nearly a month now, it's amazing how gross and miserable my body feels when I eat something I normally would have eaten before. This noticeable difference makes it really easy to avoid the mistake next time. Upset tummies are excellent motivators... not to mention the difference in calories. It's not even necessary to count calories my raw days. I can't get them up to 1400 usually even if I try. So I rest easier without having to obsess.
Enter daily yoga for the same amount of time. Heaven. It's the same situation really. The yoga feels so good, and when I miss a day or don't make it through most of a practice, I feel so blah! I've adjusted to the incredibly blissful and "right" physical feeling of regular yoga. My inner insides feel at peace from the raw food, and my outer insides feel relaxed, refreshed, and strong from the yoga. Days I slack or mess up, I get a punishment... I just don't feel good. When I am eating raw and doing yoga, I feel incredible. That high is addictive and I'm absolutely in love with it.
I'm thinking about becoming a yoga instructor. If you want to master something, teach it, right? Well, I want yoga to be as deep and natural a part of my life as possible. Instructor training would enrich my life and deepen me into the yoga experience. And if I could actually end up teaching classes or one-on-one instruction, that would be great too! When I find something that works, I love to share it... so who knows.
Weight-wise, I'm plateaued. Not so thrilled about that. BUT my body is changing. It's firming up. I can see the difference in the mirror. I should measure myself again soon. May have to wait till Hawaii to do that though because things are really busy here with the trip count down and needing to downscale my life here. Sold my fish, got rid of my plants so there is nothing to maintain here. Got rid of decorations and non-essentials because I don't need them and because I want to move so badly after this trip. My heart has one foot out the door on this life here and is dead set on getting the other foot out too. Next trip I take to Hawaii after this one I want to be a permanent one. I have no confirmation that I can do that beyond my sheer will. I can't wait to see what happens though!!
Meantime, my sister Kit is moving and also trying to move back to Hawaii. I wonder which of us will get to first. The suspense is killing me! I was helping her clean out her apartment the other day, and cart her shit to Goodwill yesterday. I'm really proud of her. She also gave notice at her job. Her fiance has shifted gears for a major career change upcoming. I'm so incredibly happy for them both. They often are the types to make due with shit and just be unhappy. Right now they are taking control and moving forward, creating their own adventure! I love that! Life is too short to stay mired in shit that doesn't make you happy. There are no rules to play by, its all illusion. YOU have to take initiative and go fucking make a change. And if it doesn't work, it was an adventure. Pick yourself up and head out for the next one. :) It's great!
Mei on the other hand is having a really hard time. She's been stagnating in a good relationship but the stagnation is now killing it. She's lost right now. And for someone who usually is very sensible and capable, she is absolutely floundering and lost sight of what her paths through are or how to reach them. She's shut down. I really don't know what will happen with she and her boyfriend (who also happens to be one of my best friends). I know I could help them, but I'm leaving soon and not sure if I can manage anything before I go. They're going to have to see their own way through it. I have no idea what is going to happen. But you know, they're grown-ups, so they can manage their own problems. As much as I want to help, I also feel ok letting go and getting a postcard after the fact.
So that's about it with me. Lots of change in the air! I love it, but it has me feeling really unsettled and uncomfortable. I like to know what is going on. By the time I get back from Maui, the whole world I care about will have changed in really important ways resulting in things I can't see at the moment. The rock in the pit of my stomach has me wondering if I'm some kind of control freak. I mean, my adventurous side is thrilled with all the change, but another part of me is completely frazzled and freaked out not knowing what the future holds, and not even seeing the potential outcomes clearly.
My solution? Do some yoga. :) It helps with everything. I think a daily practice is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Love you all! I hope the changes in your life are good to you! xox
Eating raw has helped me not to binge by taking away my body's ravenous urge to do it. All that is left then is my binge habit in general, but without my body pushing it, it's much easier to be about to take a bite, or to take one bite, set it down, and walk away. Which I've done repeatedly. When I send out a binge report saying I didn't binge for days or weeks, it doesn't mean I wasn't on the verge. But without my body's vampire-like hunger driving me compulsively toward monstrous disaster, all that's left is a misbehaving puppy who responds to the wag of a finger and a nudge.
Raw food. I promise you. I have the way to get there outlined step by step on Pro-Ana Optimal in the Step by Step Guide. It's hard to go raw cold turkey, but it can be worked up to.
I am on top of the world the days that I have a 100% raw day. It's bliss. My body feels euphoric. Having done this for nearly a month now, it's amazing how gross and miserable my body feels when I eat something I normally would have eaten before. This noticeable difference makes it really easy to avoid the mistake next time. Upset tummies are excellent motivators... not to mention the difference in calories. It's not even necessary to count calories my raw days. I can't get them up to 1400 usually even if I try. So I rest easier without having to obsess.
Enter daily yoga for the same amount of time. Heaven. It's the same situation really. The yoga feels so good, and when I miss a day or don't make it through most of a practice, I feel so blah! I've adjusted to the incredibly blissful and "right" physical feeling of regular yoga. My inner insides feel at peace from the raw food, and my outer insides feel relaxed, refreshed, and strong from the yoga. Days I slack or mess up, I get a punishment... I just don't feel good. When I am eating raw and doing yoga, I feel incredible. That high is addictive and I'm absolutely in love with it.
I'm thinking about becoming a yoga instructor. If you want to master something, teach it, right? Well, I want yoga to be as deep and natural a part of my life as possible. Instructor training would enrich my life and deepen me into the yoga experience. And if I could actually end up teaching classes or one-on-one instruction, that would be great too! When I find something that works, I love to share it... so who knows.
Weight-wise, I'm plateaued. Not so thrilled about that. BUT my body is changing. It's firming up. I can see the difference in the mirror. I should measure myself again soon. May have to wait till Hawaii to do that though because things are really busy here with the trip count down and needing to downscale my life here. Sold my fish, got rid of my plants so there is nothing to maintain here. Got rid of decorations and non-essentials because I don't need them and because I want to move so badly after this trip. My heart has one foot out the door on this life here and is dead set on getting the other foot out too. Next trip I take to Hawaii after this one I want to be a permanent one. I have no confirmation that I can do that beyond my sheer will. I can't wait to see what happens though!!
Meantime, my sister Kit is moving and also trying to move back to Hawaii. I wonder which of us will get to first. The suspense is killing me! I was helping her clean out her apartment the other day, and cart her shit to Goodwill yesterday. I'm really proud of her. She also gave notice at her job. Her fiance has shifted gears for a major career change upcoming. I'm so incredibly happy for them both. They often are the types to make due with shit and just be unhappy. Right now they are taking control and moving forward, creating their own adventure! I love that! Life is too short to stay mired in shit that doesn't make you happy. There are no rules to play by, its all illusion. YOU have to take initiative and go fucking make a change. And if it doesn't work, it was an adventure. Pick yourself up and head out for the next one. :) It's great!
Mei on the other hand is having a really hard time. She's been stagnating in a good relationship but the stagnation is now killing it. She's lost right now. And for someone who usually is very sensible and capable, she is absolutely floundering and lost sight of what her paths through are or how to reach them. She's shut down. I really don't know what will happen with she and her boyfriend (who also happens to be one of my best friends). I know I could help them, but I'm leaving soon and not sure if I can manage anything before I go. They're going to have to see their own way through it. I have no idea what is going to happen. But you know, they're grown-ups, so they can manage their own problems. As much as I want to help, I also feel ok letting go and getting a postcard after the fact.
So that's about it with me. Lots of change in the air! I love it, but it has me feeling really unsettled and uncomfortable. I like to know what is going on. By the time I get back from Maui, the whole world I care about will have changed in really important ways resulting in things I can't see at the moment. The rock in the pit of my stomach has me wondering if I'm some kind of control freak. I mean, my adventurous side is thrilled with all the change, but another part of me is completely frazzled and freaked out not knowing what the future holds, and not even seeing the potential outcomes clearly.
My solution? Do some yoga. :) It helps with everything. I think a daily practice is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Love you all! I hope the changes in your life are good to you! xox
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand
It is incredible how some small thing can transport you through time and space to a single moment in your life. The world of now melts away, meaningless... A wave of sound or smell sweeps you up and fills every sense you have. Instantly you're gone.
"I've been downhearted baby... been downhearted baby... every since the day we met."
The beat of this song by Primitive Radio Gods takes me to a day or two after my mom died. A perfectly serene day. All the windows in the house were open. All the doors. The breeze swept gently through as did the moving bodies of living people here to support my dad, my sisters, and I. Who were they all?
"We sit outside and argue all night long about a god we've never seen but never fails to side with me."
Some faces I knew, some I didn't. They were sweet with love and sadness... just like the sunshine outside. It really was the perfect day. I always wanted to write that poem. "The Price of a Perfect Day" The day after her death, her memorial, her funeral... sublimely perfect days. Almost impossibly so. But this one day was the most of all. Maui was never more vivid, wearing her brightest colors.
"If I die before I learn to speak, can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?"
It's amazing who actually shows up in a crisis. Not always who you think would. And so many who should have didn't. Despite feeling alone, we weren't. I can see them coming and going. This memory may span more than one day. I don't know. I floated through it like a feather on gusts of air. Shocked, fragile, grateful, and broken. The song played over and over. I'm not sure why. My sister Kit and I both loved it so much at the time. I'm not the only one it takes back. We all feel it. We can smell the plumeria leis being made by our Hawaiian aunties. We can feel the hugs from their full arms.
"I've been downhearted baby. I've been downhearted baby... ever since the day we met... ever since the day we met."
Then the song ends. Everyone leaves eventually. The emptiness sets in. Night falls. As the sun turns off, the red light turns on in my deep dark room. I didn't sleep much. And then I think I slept for two years... because I don't remember a lot during that time.
14 years can't erase or wear down the clarity this song brings. It really is amazing.
Play.
"I've been downhearted baby... been downhearted baby... every since the day we met."
The beat of this song by Primitive Radio Gods takes me to a day or two after my mom died. A perfectly serene day. All the windows in the house were open. All the doors. The breeze swept gently through as did the moving bodies of living people here to support my dad, my sisters, and I. Who were they all?
"We sit outside and argue all night long about a god we've never seen but never fails to side with me."
Some faces I knew, some I didn't. They were sweet with love and sadness... just like the sunshine outside. It really was the perfect day. I always wanted to write that poem. "The Price of a Perfect Day" The day after her death, her memorial, her funeral... sublimely perfect days. Almost impossibly so. But this one day was the most of all. Maui was never more vivid, wearing her brightest colors.
"If I die before I learn to speak, can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?"
It's amazing who actually shows up in a crisis. Not always who you think would. And so many who should have didn't. Despite feeling alone, we weren't. I can see them coming and going. This memory may span more than one day. I don't know. I floated through it like a feather on gusts of air. Shocked, fragile, grateful, and broken. The song played over and over. I'm not sure why. My sister Kit and I both loved it so much at the time. I'm not the only one it takes back. We all feel it. We can smell the plumeria leis being made by our Hawaiian aunties. We can feel the hugs from their full arms.
"I've been downhearted baby. I've been downhearted baby... ever since the day we met... ever since the day we met."
Then the song ends. Everyone leaves eventually. The emptiness sets in. Night falls. As the sun turns off, the red light turns on in my deep dark room. I didn't sleep much. And then I think I slept for two years... because I don't remember a lot during that time.
14 years can't erase or wear down the clarity this song brings. It really is amazing.
Play.
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